They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
