She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
