I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
