That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
