I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
