When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need to calm my uterus...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
