I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
