A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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