I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
