If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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