I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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