I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
