I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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