Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
ttyl tear gas
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
