I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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