found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
