I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
