Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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