I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
