Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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