I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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