theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
