cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have demons in me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
