Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
