its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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