can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
