doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
