I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
