insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
