I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
