Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
