Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
