Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
