"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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