just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
