I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
bring money and cleavage
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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