Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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