Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
