I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh god it's open bar.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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