the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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