: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
