drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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