You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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