i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
