I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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