so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just high enough for therapy.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
