No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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