Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Also, beer. Big fan.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize