this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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