i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
