cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
