Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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