Have you finally orgasmed yet?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
