i wish peter jackson would direct porn
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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