WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
